


Forget the Hidden Truth

by Jeniouis



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Tony, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Timeline, Angst with a Happy Ending, But also, F/M, Forced Prostitution, Gen, Good Father!Howard, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Whump, M/M, Miscarriage, Modern AU, Mpreg, Omega Howard, Omega Steve, Protective Team, Sarah Rogers is amazing, Sexual Abuse, Work In Progress, amnesia au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-07 21:15:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4278189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeniouis/pseuds/Jeniouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a car crash, Howard loses his entire memory. It's like someone pressed the 'delete' button in his brain.</p><p>As he recovers his memory, he discovers that everyone hates him. Even his parents.</p><p>So he makes it his mission to find out why so he can correct his wrongs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be absolute Howard Stark whump. Because I love the character and therefore my mind rationalizes that I need to whump him. I'm messed up like that.
> 
> Strong trigger warning for Rape, forced prostitution, sexual abuse, and sexual abuse of a minor.
> 
> Also, this was heavily inspired by a book I recently read called Terms and Conditions: A Novel by Robert Glancy. It's an excellent read and in case you've read it, this story isn't really related to the story except for the inspiration.
> 
> For those few of you still standing, I hope you enjoy this. :) :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never had amnesia. And I'm no doctor so of I used my creative license to imagine what having complete amnesia would be. And if my wrong descriptions offend anyone, I am so sorry.

Greg? No, that didn’t sound right. Adam. Taylor. Scott. Steven. Robert…Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way. What if I’m not even American? What if I’m…hell, I don’t know...Scandinavian? What if I’m Absalon or Erlend…No, I have to be American. I feel American. Whatever that means. So. does it start with a B or an M? Is it Matthew or Malcom?

What the hell is my name?

Who the hell am I?

What the hell happened to me?

-

I’ve been in the hospital for what felt like years but could only have been a week, at the most. Hopefully. When I woke up, every inch of my body was engulfed in pain. And there was no one beside me. No one holding my hand. No one whispering that everything will be alright. Which didn’t bother me all that much. For one, I couldn’t think of one damn person who should have been beside me, saying anything. Maybe I could figure that out later, after the very pressing matter of figuring out my own goddamn name. And after that, I’ll have to occupy myself with figuring out who the hell I am. Then I’ll concentrate on all the possible people who should give a damn about me.

But for some reason, one I can’t remember (obviously), I’m not at all surprised. It’s like my mind, wherever it was and I desperately hope it’ll come back, didn’t expect anyone to be bedside anyway. I felt like no one gave a damn about me.

And Somehow, someway I knew thing something else for sure.

I fucked up my life. Big time.

-

Amnesia, my doctor said I had a severe case of amnesia. Lovely. It was so severe that I had literally forgotten how to walk. How to eat. How to piss. How to fucking smell? I mean that as I couldn’t smell anything. My senses were all out of whack. When I first came too, everything was black. I thought I had gone blind. But as blurred shapes and shifts started to filter in my eyesight, I was informed that I had literally forgotten how to see and my brain was relearning how to regain control of all my senses again. When I learned how to swallow again, all my food was tasteless. Then a few days later everything tasted like nothing but sugar. Then a mixture of salt and sugar. And it continued until I regained my full sense of taste.

It’s a fucking uncanny couple of weeks.

And then I was informed that I had been in the hospital for a lot longer than a few weeks, as I had initially calculated.

I had been hospitalized for six months. I had been on life support. I wasn’t taken off until my body learned how the bases of how to survive again. When my heart stated beating on its own. When my lungs started filling with air and expelling it on their own. When my brain started thinking on its own.

My fucking body had to remember how to work all over again.

I wondered was I a religious man before whatever tragedy happened. Because now seemed like a good time to start believing.

-

Three months later and I’m just now starting to learn how to walk again. It feels ridiculous. In my mind, I know that my legs should know what to do but I simply can’t make my fucking feet step in front of one another. They just dangle and sway. Then suddenly lose strength from under me. I would fall but my day nurse, Misses Rogers, always catches me.

When I first came to, I had the distinct feeling that she really hated me. But was too much of a good person, a good nurse, to let anything bad happen so she does her job to her highest ability. Much to her own dismay. All while I just had the strange feeling of being glad to have at least one friend. Forced or not. After time, she seemed to have gotten over her anger. I think she likes me now. I always wonder what it was about me that she hated.

I've never had the courage to ask.

-

My night nurse wasn’t so kind. Or really, I didn’t know that. It was just a feeling I got. That there was something about him I couldn’t trust. As if he had harmed me in some way and I couldn’t remember what way that was.

Or maybe and more likely, I was losing the little of my mind I had left.

Gregory was his name. He told me to call him by his first name. And he creeped me the fuck out.

It didn’t help that he always seemed sheepish around me. Like he was the kid who stole the cookies and just knew he was going to be caught any moment now. But i have to admit, behavior-wise, he was always nice and cheerful and always took good care of me.

He just had some creepy habits.

Like placing his hand on my inner thigh every time he addressed me. It made me want to clamp my thighs together. Unfortunately, my fucking legs wouldn’t heed the command.

But a little later he would remove his hands and go on with his nursing duties.

And then there were the innuendos.

Sexual innuendos.

With his hand on my inner thigh.

Or he would say things.

Once, it was dinnertime and my food (my unnaturally salty food because the only taste my brain could remember was salty at the time which is why I let my food completely untouched) was cold. He told me he could warm it for me. I told him he didn’t have to bother over something so trivial for me (I didn't trust him to do even that). He chuckled, in a way that made me wish I could remember how to run, and placed his hand on my inner thigh. A little too close to the Promised Land, if one got my point. He leaned down, about an inch from my face, his eyes suddenly dilated, and said,

“I’ll do anything for something as _sweet_ as you.”

Then kindly pulled away and took my plate to reheat my food.

And I squeezed my eyes shut. Clench the sheets as much as my weak and bruised hands could. And fought off the few tears threatening to slide down my cheeks.

Because for some reason, completely unknown to me, I felt utterly violated.

But it had to be something else. A reaction triggered by something else (which was just another horrifying thought. That just implied that I _had_ been abused before). Because I was an alpha. And so was Gregory.

In all honestly, I didn’t have any recollection of being an alpha. I honestly couldn’t remember my own fucking gender. But I had to be an alpha. I was a male. And all males were alphas.

So two alphas couldn’t, in a blissful theory, be attracted to each other.

So whatever horrors that crept in my empty mind about Gregory had to be false.

-

My mind is like an empty vault. With nothing occupying it except dust and some small microscopic bacteria. It’s so strange. So uncanny. To know next to absolutely nothing. Yet to know so much. So much more than what I did when I first came to. I can finally piss on my own. Without some fucking machine. So maybe there’s a box in that vault labeled senses. And another box named manual dexterity. And another called involuntary biological processes. Still an extremely bare vault.

It didn’t seem right.

To have nothing to think about.

To have nothing to recall.

To have…nothing.

It didn’t seem right.

I feel as if the old me, whoever I am, is scratching at the door, trying to break through a barrier keeping him from telling me who the hell I am.

And yet I still have this feel.

I didn’t want to let him in.

I didn’t want to know who I was.

-

My doctor told me my memories would take time to return. Told me that it will either come back slowly, on its own time, one piece at a time. Or something will trigger a memory. Mostly feelings rather than people or events would trigger a memory. Either way, it will take time. And he assured me that I wouldn’t be leaving this hospital until I had regain enough memory to live again. Meaning my body was functioning properly.

So that could mean I'd be here for years.

Buy something made me curious.

If my memory wasn’t failing me, and it was hence why I was still nameless, hospital stays cost money. And lots of it. The doctor told me that my son was covering my bill. And that he and the hospital were given the strict instructions that I was to be well taken care of.

I was completely, totally, and utterly shocked. 

…What fucking son?

And why hadn’t he, in all these eight months, come by to see me?

-

I finally had a visitor.

I was asleep. In deep sleep because the walking lesson for the evening had taken every ounce of energy out of me. It’s been weeks and I still can’t fucking walk. And I still didn’t know my own name. I didn’t let the hospital staff tell me either. For some reason, I was convinced that all my problems would be fixed if I could just remember my own name. I could walk again, if I could figure out what was sitting on my damn birth certificate.

The scent is what roused me. The familiar, protective scent of safe alpha. It smelt like home. And unless I was going mad, definitely probable, I had smelled it before.

I peeked my eyes open and saw myself…no, no, too young to be me. And my face was a mess at the moment. Still cut, bruised, and swollen from what ever happened. Again, I didn’t allow anyone to tell me. I wanted to remember. But this guy…he wasn’t a boy but he was young. An older teen maybe. Very young adult? And he had an interesting goatee. He grinned down at me. Though I caught the edges of concern in his eyes.

“Hey dad, how you’ve been?” The guy said.

And just like a switch had been flipped, I remembered something. Something very, extremely important. It had to be the most important thing of my forgotten life.

“I love you.” I blurted, my voice sounded strained and scratchy (from whatever tragedy that happened and unuse. I didn't talk often). For some reason, I felt that it was something I needed to tell him, right then and there. It wasn’t until I saw bafflement take over his face that I fully realized he said ‘dad’. This was my son. Well, it was about time.

Though, if his expression was any indication, this was the first time I had ever utter those words past my lips. And if that was true, well that may be why he just made his way to me. And I guess I deserved the delay.

“Ah…A-Anthony…No, Tony.” I said, a memory filtering through. Well, a memory a fact rather than an event. Now whatever his name was, my son, backed away two steps as though I just uttered a hex from my lips.

“You never call me Tony.” My son, Tony I’m guessing, said. And I saw something twinkle in his eyes. Something like approval. And for some reason it made me feel proud...and that’s when I remembered, just _had_ to fucking remember, that I was an omega. And remembering that made me feel something regretful. Self-hating. Ignorance was bliss.

“What do you want me to call you then?” I asked, sincerely. I knew one thing very clear, for once in this long ordeal, and that was that I loved Tony very much. But I was getting the feeling that Tony hated me, for some reason my mind erased. Or maybe hate was a strong word. Maybe his love for me, as a son, was unconditional. Maybe he just severely disliked me then. And I wanted to fix it…I just didn’t know how. It would help if my memory cooperated.

My son opened his mouth as if he were ready to speak, as if he has been waiting and wanting to say something for a very long time. Then he looked unsure as he closed his mouth without uttering a word.

“Call me whatever you want. You usually call me Anthony. I prefer Tony.” My son, Tony, said. If he preferred Tony, then I’ll call him as such. But him saying that, it brought about a memory. I saw Tony’s face, clear as day, but he was much younger. And very much angrier. He was shouting, ‘I’m fucking Tony!’ at me and then he slammed a door. He was entirely too young for such words in my memory.

“You hate it when I call you Anthony.” I said. More of a guess than a memory. Tony smiled cautiously. “I’ll call you Tony.” I said. Tony looked about ready to faint.

“So that’s all it took. A bonk on the head and you cooperate.” Tony said, his hand was idly tapping the phone in his pocket. I could tell, by his body language, that we weren’t close. This was probably the most civil conversation we’ve had in years. I didn’t get that just from his body language, it was something I remembered. Not us getting along. Just the knowledge that we don’t. If that made sense. Essentially it was a very educated guess.

For a moment, I didn’t say anything. And neither did Tony. We just sort of looked at each other. Not necessarily awkwardly. It felt as if I were looking at my son for the first time and Tony seemed like he was floored by something. Something about me. And I had no fucking idea what it was about me, this new me, that caught Tony so off guard. Maybe because it was a new me.

“The doctor told me you were amnesic. That’s why I’m here.” Tony said. I nodded. Kindly keeping the fact that I’ve been a fucking empty vault for months. And Tony was nowhere to be seen. Or even fucking heard of.

“I would have come sooner but I was busy avenging and stuff.” Tony said as he started walking around the room, looking around. It was beautiful room. Nicely decorated. It was huge. With something like living room set up. There was a couch, a big flat-screen TV mounted on the wall with a couple of comfy chairs. Not that pale green that most hospitals had. They were silver, not grey, silver, and obviously expensive. And there was even a door connecting to a kitchenette. When I could finally piece together a thought, I realized that either I, or Tony, had some serious moolah.

There was a shift in Tony’s scent. It spoke to me. Telling me that he was lying through his teeth. But I suppose none of that mattered. He was here now. There was only one thing that caught me off guard.

“Avenging?” I asked, my brow started to crease in confusion but that brought about pain so I stopped it. Tony turned around to me, then his eyes lit in understanding.

“Oh yeah, you’re wiped out. Well, I’m a part of a group.” Tony said. Then paused.

“A band?” I asked. It would be cool to have a rock star son. Tony shook his head.

“No it’s…well, I’ll explain everything when you’re up and about.” Tony said. I nodded amicably. I was getting too tired to inquire. “Wow, really wish you had done this crash thing sooner.” Tony mumbled. As if letting things go was something I normally wouldn’t do. I was entirely too tired to inquire about that too.

“Do you remember much about me?” Tony asked after a moment. I shrugged.

“I remember you’re Tony and that I love you.” I said. “That’s all.” Tony scoffed a little, not as if I had said anything offensive. Like I said something completely unbelievable.

“I love you too.” Tony said quietly. Not completely without sarcasm but completely honestly. “Well, my full name is Anthony Edwards—”

“Wait!” I said. Tony looked hopeful.

“Did you remember something?” Tony asked. I shook my head.

“I just don’t remember who I am. And I’ve been trying to remember my name and I don’t want anyone telling me who I am.” I said, completely serious. Tony looked equally saddened and intrigued. And amused.

“You don’t want anyone to tell you who you are?” Tony repeated. I nodded. “Why?”

“Because if I remember then I’ll be able to walk.” I said, the simplified version of my theory. Tony’s brow creased, then he chuckled softly.

“There’s something my dad would say.” Tony said, then clapped his hands, as if it were an explosion of his nervous energy. “So, they treating you alright here? Everything go well?” Tony asked. I hesitated. I wondered if I should tell him about my night nurse. But I realized I couldn’t. Because Gregory had yet to do anything wrong. Other than being a creep and that was not a crime.

“I’m fine.” I said.

Tony nodded, pleased. “Alright, we’ll I’m going to get out of here—”

“Already?” I said, just now realizing how lonely I had been during all these months.

“Well, you know I have a career to attend to. Lots of other things to do.” Tony snipped. I could tell there something about what I said had struck a nerve. I’m not sure how, it seemed innocuous but there must have been something in the past that was no longer in the vault.

“O-oh okay.” I said. Tony huffed a laughter, as if he were still in disbelief. I must have been stubborn asshole before the crash.

“Alright, well I’ll come back by within a month.” Tony said. Which was shocking. Such a huge time frame. But before I could say a word, Tony turned around and walk out the door, throwing a wave over his shoulder, before disappearing.

Well, now I knew a little about myself.

And as expected, I didn't like it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the mpreg tag. Because this story will contain mpreg.
> 
> Also, I decided to change Misses Fosters character to Misses Rogers. It just made mroe sense for what I was trying to accomplish.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter :) :D

I heard Misses Rogers chatting pleasantly with Tony out in the hall. They must have known each other. Which confirmed my theory that she had already known me. Miss Rogers’ voice had sounded happy, like she was smiling. Then she walked in my room looking cross and kind of pissed. She walked up to a computer screen by my bed and started noting my vital signs. She didn’t say a word. She was usually chatty.

“You know Tony?” I more stated than asked. She nodded, the scowl on her face lessened. As if my voice pleased her in some way. Funny. To me I sounded like a strangled frog. Not very pleasant.

“He doesn’t like me.” I said. Again another statement. She sighed.

“You two certainly have had your differences.” She said, very generally. So she might as well told me we fucking hated each other. I hate half honesty. If it’s not the whole truth then go ahead and lie. A half-truth is far more troublesome than a lie.

I thought to ask did she know me before my brain became mush but I didn’t. I decided to leave that for another day. If ever.

Misses Rogers sighed again, giving me a side glance, “Well I’ll be going on vacation next week so Greg will become your day nurse and another girl will become your night nurse. I don’t know her name.” Misses Rogers said, putting her papers to the side, looking down at me. “I’ll be gone for seven days and I’ll call back to make sure you’re doing okay.” Miss Rogers said.

“You don’t have to do that.” I said. It seemed nearly preposterous. She must have had a dozen patients. Why would she call back for just one? On her vacation to boot. “I’ll be fine. Just enjoy your vacation.” I said genuinely.

She smiled, “It won’t be a problem. I’ll be leaving after my shift tonight so the new girl will be here. I’ll leave my contact info with you so you can call me if anything goes wrong. I’ll be right here in…well you’ll probably want to remember the city you’re in but I’ll be right here in the same city so not far away.” Misses Rogers said. I was deeply touched.

“Thank you very much. That means a lot.” I said, very sincerely. Misses Rogers smiled and very gently kissed my bruised and swollen cheek. It didn’t hurt in the least.

-

The new nurse was a girl named Sharon Carter. She told me to call her by her first name. She was a cheerful girl, talkative. And I didn’t trust a bone in her body. It really had nothing to do with her. And I didn’t distrust her like I didn’t trust Gregory but if felt like…it was crazy but I felt like she were a spy. Not necessarily in the bad sense but like she was someone who was supposed to keep tabs on me. And she didn’t really seem like a nurse. Like someone playing a part way above their head. Because every time I asked her to do something for me, she would give a weak attempt and then call a _real_ nurse to come in and help me. It got to a point I just asked her for things just to watch her squirm.

And she had only been in my room for an hour.

But I didn’t sense that she was harmful. I just didn’t like being spied on. Or the fact that she was an incompetent nurse.

And she was jumpy. Every time there was even the slightest noise outside my door, she would jump around and put her hand on pocket as if she had something in there that could cause harm.

So I’m thinking a spy.

But asking would have just sounded insane.

And she was a hell of a lot better than Greg creeping on my so I just pushed the thought aside.

-

A few hours after she were there, I was drifting into sleep when the hospital phone beside my bed started ringing loudly. My damn nurse startled, did that roll thing across the floor you only see in action movies, and glared at the direction of my phone, he hand on her hip, grasping something I couldn’t see. I stared at her as my phone rung away. After realizing the only disturbance was a device of communication, her eyes jump up to me, and she laughed nervously.

“Oh my, I get startled so easily.” She said as she slowly stood. “I’ll just step outside and let you talk in peace.” Sharon said shyly as she walked out. I shook my head, trying to wrap my precarious mind around what just happened as I answered the phone.

 _“Howard, it took you a moment to answer. I didn’t wake you, did I?”_ The voice said on the other line. I struggled to recognize the voice.

“Misses Rogers?” I guessed, lying my head back on the pillow. I had been feeling weird the past couple of days. More tired and achy than I usually felt. Which was really saying something compared to how shitty I usually felt. But my recent ailment was a warm sensation pulsing through my body. It was dull, barely there, but I was very aware it was there. Had Misses Rogers had been here, I would have told her, but that new nurse had me on edge. So I kept my lips sealed.

 _“Oh yes, it’s me. You can call me Sarah.”_ She said.

“Oh.” I said, smiling wide. Well, as wide as my pained face would let me. “I’m so glad you called. I wasn’t sleeping.” I lied. But after Sharon’s little show, I was very awake and aware.

 _“Good, how are you feeling?”_ Misses Rogers, or Sarah, asked.

“I’ve been okay.” I lied. But I didn’t want to bother her. Sarah had been so kind to call me on her vacation, I didn’t want to say anything except positive things least I worry.

 _“Good, you be sure to call me if anything changes. I want to make sure you’re okay. And I’ll probably call everyday while I’m gone.”_ Sarah said.

“You don’t have to do that.” I said, very sincerely. The line got quiet for a moment, for a second there I thought we had lost the connection but finally her voice spoke up.

 _“I knew you before…you know. Well, I knew of you through some…friends. And I’ll be honest, I wasn’t a fan.”_ Sarah said. I snorted. For once, I had actually known something before it was told to me. _“But it wasn’t so much because of you, it was what others had said about you. But now that I have gotten to know you, I can see how wrong those others were.”_ Sarah said. I was very touched. But also very cautious.

“But I assume, at the moment, I’m a very different person than who I used to be. I might even go back to being that same person.” I said. There was no point in having her grown fond of me only to be disappointed in a few months if I ended up reverting to an asshole. Though, I was going to do everything in my power to keep that from happening.

_“Maybe. But some things about people never change. And I find you very genuine.”_ Sarah said honestly. I felt my face get warm. I wondered was I a blusher before the tragedy. _“You better get some rest. Your legs are getting stronger. I want you to do very well in you walking lesson tomorrow.”_ I nearly groaned. I suddenly remembered that Gregory would be helping me go through my routines for the next week. 

“I will.” I said. Not telling her that I would probably do better with her. We said our goodbyes and hung up. I tried to sleep but I was entirely too happy. Sarah had been so kind. 

-

I woke up to a warm brushing across my neck and the sound of someone sniff surrounding my ear. I took a deep breath but kept my eyes close. Because it still took me a while to come around when I woke up. And I had to make sure that I was feeling what I thought I was feeling. Which felt like someone had their hand all over me, touching me. I jerked when I realized that I was indeed feeling what I thought I was and my eyes shot open. But a pain took over in my stomach and I ended up turning to my side and curling up. The pulsing warmth from the night before had turned into a heated throbbing.

I glared up at Gregory when he placed a hand on my stomach. His other hand still resting on my inner thigh. I pushed his hands away, trying to clamp my thighs together as much as I could. I had more strength and control of my body then a few weeks ago, but I was still very weak. Pretty much helpless if this asshole tried anything.

“Easy now.” Gregory said, smiling that same warm smile, his voice still cheerful. I wanted to punch him in the face. “You’re in heat. We didn’t expect it to come so soon.” Gregory said. I continued to glare at him. Just now becoming aware of my scent, reeking of ripe, fertile pheromones. And the slick running down my thighs.

And I still didn’t really know what a heat was, or rather, how it affected me. My doctor had explained it to me when they realized I was a few weeks away from one but I had no relocation of ever being in one. And I was beginning to see why. Miserable didn’t even begin to describe how I felt. But that was amplified by facing the very obvious threat grinning down at me.

“You had no right to put your hands on me.” I said. Gregory huffed, walking to the other side of my hospital bed where I moved. The bed was actually huge. Queen sized. And very comfortable. That didn’t really mean much because I didn’t remember anything to compare it to. But at the moment, I did remember that beds were where sexual things usually happened and that I was in a very bad predicament. And I wished more than anything, that I was strong enough to get away. To run. Or hell, even walking would be helpful right now.

“Actually I had every right. You must have forgotten. You live in a country that has no establish submissive rights.” Gregory informed me, seemingly very pleased with the fact. I froze. That couldn’t be true. America was the land of the free, wasn’t it? Omegas had rights, didn’t they? I tried to rack my brain to come up with any recollection of such law. Or lack thereof.

What I remembered instead, was that pastrami sandwiches were my favorite. Fuck my life. Fuck my brain.

“Easy now.” Gregory said when he touched my shoulder and I swung a fist back at him, making a weak connection with his face. It hurt me a hell of a lot more than it hurt him. My muscles and mending bones were still highly sensitive.

“You’re panicking. Just calm down.” Gregory said in that kind, gentle voice he had. And for a split second. I thought that maybe I was overreacting. But then I remembered waking up to his hands all over me and started slowly making my way over to the other side of the bed. Gregory clicked his tongue, pulling a syringe out his pocket.

“I didn’t want to have to drug you like this Howard, but you’re being very difficult.” Gregory said as if _I_ were at fault. He tried to give me the shot of whatever he had in that needle in my IV but I kept struggling. No matter how painful it was for me. Which was proving to piss him off. So I was going to keep fighting until it fucking killed me. But my brain decided to inconvenience me once more.

I had the sudden vivid memory of someone holding me down. Telling me to be still. That I had to do this no matter what I wanted. That I had no choice. And I felt the pain of being entered as vivid as the pain I was feeling from Gregory holding me down.

It wasn’t until I felt immediately tired that I realized I had frozen and Gregory had given me the drug. Then I felt woozy and slow. Like I wasn’t in control of my own actions. Which was exactly what I was battling for these past three months. I wasn’t happy with that feeling again. I tried to speak but my tongue felt like lead. My entire body felt leaden.

“There we go.” Gregory said, sounding every bit of smug and victorious. Fuck him too. “Now, if you would have just let me explain, I would have told you that omegas going into heat at such a public place like a hospital is very dangerous. Alphas might catch whiff and try to harm you.” Gregory explained as he gently and slowly manhandled me to the edge of the bed. I didn’t know if I had ever committed murder before, but I promised myself if this asshole would hurt me, I would kill him somehow, someway.

“You’re not strong enough to sustain a heat for long so I’ve been instructed to mate you. I told the doctor that you probably wouldn’t like that very much but he told me to give you the shot and do what I had to.” Gregory lied through his teeth and pulled my legs over the edge of the bed, taking off my hospital pants. And for once during this entire horrid experience, I remembered something slightly helpful. That some omegas were receptive to pheromones and could read people like a book while some couldn’t. It depended on what gender the omega's parents was. It was usually the ones conceived from two alphas that could read pheromones. Lucky me. That didn’t stop this asshole from keeping a firm on my thin, weak legs and he unzipped his pants and pushed them down his thighs.

But this was insane. I must have been dreaming. He couldn’t just rape me in a hospital bed. There had to be someone coming in. I only really had my nurses coming in the room but surely there was someone coming in to take a test. Or the doctor was going to visit. Or something…unless Gregory really was given an order. There might be a sign on the door or something. But…Tony would have never allowed someone to do something I didn’t want, would he? But he wasn’t here, was he?

A sudden pain snatched me from my thoughts. I took a deep breath. Forcing myself not to cry as that bastard moved inside me. It hurt. But I couldn’t tell if that was because I was still recuperating from the tragedy. Or if I was clenching against him. From the way heats had been explained to me, I had assumed that heats just made omegas horny and needy. That our bodies wouldn’t fight against being mated. But Gregory didn’t seem that surprised that I was fighting against him. Why was this all so fucking confusing?!

Then I felt a sudden stretching from inside. It felt like I was being ripped apart. I heard the sound of a scream as the swelling kept stretching inside of me. I couldn’t tell if that had been me or someone down the hall. But Gregory was starting to look concerned. Finally the stretching stopped. But I still felt unbearably full. It still hurt so much.

It wasn’t until he pulled out, five minutes later, that I remembered what knotting was.

“Jesus, was it _that_ bad?” Gregory said as he slipped out. Then his face dropped to dismay as he looked down at me. “Shit, you’re bleeding! Not again.” Gregory said and I heard him moving, opening cabinets and shit. My eyes were closed. If I had even peeked them open, I would have burst into tears. The assault in itself was beyond painful but the fact that I had been completely helpless, that I couldn’t stop it, made everything worst. And the only thing that made me feel shittier was realizing that he said ‘not again’ and that he must have done this before.

And I had no one here to protect me.

Then, as if reading my thoughts, someone was banging on the door, their muffled voice asking what the hell was going on. Gregory cursed under his breath and started trying to clean me up as quickly as he could.

So I was guessing no. What he did was not alright. Probably far from.

But, in searching for something positive to keep me from falling completely off the edge, I didn’t feel hot and miserable anymore. There wasn’t a heat throbbing through my body. My stomach wasn’t cramping. I only felt the dull, throbbing ache of my scuffle with Gregory. And the pain remaining from him raping me.

“Just give me a minute, we’ve had a situation here.” Gregory yelled out as he gently picked me up, bridal style and laid me back in the bed, upright. Well, at least he hadn’t lied. I bit his chest when picked me up. He stifled a grunt and grimaced until he laid me back down, pushing me away. I was happy to see blood rising from the teeth marks embedded in his skin. At least I had that in defiance. You hurt me, I hurt you. No matter how little the pain I inflict. I noticed, as Gregory walked over to unlock the door, that I was bleeding from all over. Dozens of my stitches had been ripped or opened during our scuffle. Blood was starting to cover the bed. It was becoming impossible to tell where any of it came from.

And when my doctor came running in, asking me was I alright, I thought about how the blood from the assault was already being covered and I said the one thing that came to mind.

“I fell.”

-

Sarah called, just like she promised. Sharon was here now. I had spent the entire day being bandaged again so I didn’t see too much of Gregory. But the fact that I would see him the following day made me depressed. I couldn’t help but worry would he do it again.

 _“Darling, are you alright? I heard you fell today. Where was Greg?”_ Sarah’s worried voice asked immediately when I answered her call. Her concern made me smile for the first time today.

“I’m fine. He was out the room for a moment and I tried to get out my bed on my own. It was my fault.” I said. And as I spoke, I stunned myself. At how quickly I lied. Almost as if I had done this type of thing before. What I couldn’t remember was whether I had lied in general or to keep a similar act obscure.

 _“What were you doing trying to get out of bed by yourself?”_ Sarah asked, her voice sounding scolding. I suddenly felt bad for lying to her. But I felt that I couldn’t tell her the truth. I trusted her but I just couldn’t tell her. Maybe it was my pride. Maybe I was too afraid.

“I remembered something. My name starts with an H.” I said truthfully. When the doctor had been restitching a deep cut on my shoulder, I almost remembered my full name (but only got as far as the first letter) and reached a milestone.

 _“Yes, that’s right.”_ Sarah said happily.

“And subsequently, I took my first step.” I said proudly. My theory was accurate. Or I felt as such. Then I cringed at how much I sounded like a giddy child as I told her that. But her immediate squeal made me feel a little better.

 _“I am so proud of you!”_ Sarah said. I felt myself blush. I felt as if I had never heard those words in my entire forgotten life. We chatted for a while longer, and Sarah told me not to try and do anything on my own, and to behave until she returned. Then we said our goodbyes and hung up.

It wasn’t until my bumbling new night nurse entered the room with my dinner that I realized that someone must have told Sarah that I had supposedly fallen. But I only smiled at her as she sat down beside me and started chatting. I caught whiff of her scent since she were so close. She was an alpha. And her eyes were dilated. But she made absolutely no advances. And her scent read protective rather than threatening. I also realized that she had never sat beside me like she was doing now. I didn’t know if she had done so because of my post-heat or if she had read between the lines of the encounter I had with Gregory earlier…or both. But I took comfort with her being close the way she was.

I still thought she was a spy. Just not for Sarah.

-

The next morning, I was relieved to wake up without the feeling of someone molesting me. But rather someone gingerly holding my hand. I opened my eyes and found a woman sitting beside me. I obviously had no idea who she was. But she smiled warmly. Though there was something in her eyes. Something that told me that she hadn’t been too much of a fan of the old me either.

“Hello Howard.” She said. I smiled shyly at her. “I’m Maria. Do you remember me?” She asked. I tried to roll it over in my empty mind but I shook my head. Then blurted,

“I love you too.” Then I wished I could bang my head in the wall. But seeing the little memory I had gained, I figured it would be a very bad idea to jeopardize it. Her eyes widened but she didn’t seem surprised. “I’m sorry. I have no idea why I said that.”

She chuckled warmly, “I love you too. We used to be _in_ love but, well…we drifted apart.” She, Maria, said. And I saw a flash of guilt spark in her eyes. But just as soon as it happened, it was over.

“You’re my ex-wife. Maria.” I said, suddenly connecting some memory to her. She was sitting in the kitchen, looking out the window at Tony play with some friends. He was young. Maybe five. “You’re Tony’s mother.” I assumed. Maria averted her eyes, going silent for a moment. It wasn’t until the silence that I realized that there wasn’t a lick of Maria in Tony. He didn’t have any of her facial features. From a distance it may have seemed that their hair color was the same but Maria's hair was actually a dark brunet and Tony's hair jet black, like mine.

“You could say that. Yes. He is very much my son.” Maria said.

“So, not your son biologically.” I said. Just drawing conclusions. She sighed.

“He was two when we met and he was five when we married.” Maria said. I tried to add it up. I couldn’t remember my age. But, obviously _I_ had Tony. “It was a blessing too. I can’t have children.” Maria said. That took me by surprise. Most omegas were very fertile and she was an omega like I was.

“I’m sorry.” I told her quietly. She smiled warmly. I wanted to ask what happened to Tony’s sire. What was the story surrounding Tony’s conception but I decided it would be best to ask Tony, when he finally visited me again.

“It’s alright. You gave me a son. Has Tony been here to visit you?” Maria asked. I nodded.

“I saw him yesterday. I had forgotten I even had a son.” I said. Maria’s brow creased.

“He hadn’t been by before?” Maria asked. I sighed.

“Well, he’s busy. I can understand that.” I said. And I had the distinct impression we have had this very conversation before. She nodded.

“That true but I guarantee you, he’ll be by more often. Maybe even tomorrow.” Maria said. And I knew she was going to get after him. It was obvious that Tony was closer to her rather than the person who gave birth to him. I wondered what I had done to piss him off so much. I wondered would I get a chance to apologize.

Maria stayed with me for what had to be an hour. Just chatting and trying to help me remember pieces of my life. Though she agreed to not tell me anything about my former life. I was very adamant about remembering. Though I did end up remembering her. Mostly how in love I was with her. And how I thought she had been very in love with me. I kept wondering what had gone wrong.

Before she left, she gently kissed me on the cheek and promised to be by back next week.

And I felt as if I had made a new friend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewrite this chapter a couple of times to make sure it fit with the story and with what I was trying to accomplish. So I really hope you like the direction I ended up going with.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :) :D

“I think I know why it keeps hurting.” Gregory said as he came in the room with my breakfast. My eyes were closed but I was awake. I hadn’t slept all night. I was too busy dreading the morning to rest. I opened my eyes and glared at him with all the hatred in the word. Which just made him fucking smirk. I wanted to choke him. To strangle every ounce of life out of his pathetic body. But I could barely move without having someone help me. Especially with the lingering aches and stiffness from me struggling with Gregory two days before, during my heat, and after Maria left yesterday. How could I defend myself? I guess I could have told someone. Maybe Tony, if he ever came back. Or Sarah. She would do something about it. I honestly believed that but…I think I was too afraid. Or…maybe there was something in my past that kept me from spilling my guts to whoever seemed like they would help.

“I’ve never prepared you before. I think that would stop the bleeding.” Gregory said, ever so matter-of-factly. Like he was discussing how we should approach my strength training rather than the most effective way to _rape_ me. I guess that’s what made me hate him the most (and made me feel so worthless). He treated his assaults as if they was absolutely nothing wrong with what he was doing. Like it was a normal, everyday occurrence to hurt someone the way he hurt me. And perhaps it was. I haven’t been outside this hospital since I came too. I don’t remember anything outside this building. Maybe all omegas were just as mistreated as I was.

Gregory placed my food on a portable table, which was across the room from where I was, and closed the door, locking it behind him. He grinned as he moved towards me. I just clamped my eyes shut. I had no energy to fight back with today. I just didn’t have the strength. I was totally and completely helpless. Knowing that made me want to cry.

Gregory sat beside me, his hand sliding up the inner of my thigh. I startled and moved to push him away but he only grabbed my wrist, with far more force than what was necessary. I felt my thing arm would break under his vise like grip.

“This would go a lot better babycakes, if you would just submit and let me do what I need to.” Gregory said. As if he just _had_ to violate me. Fuck or die. I spat in his face. And I had never seen Gregory so furious. He looked about ready to strike me but the phone beside my bed started blaring. I held my breath hopefully. It had to be Sarah. She’s the only person who would call me. And hopefully I could on the line until the doctor came. As he did every day. Gregory chuckled, then gently kissed my cheek.

“I guess I’ll have to finish this a little later.” Gregory said, then he got up and left. I took a deep breath, grounding myself, before I picked up the phone and answered it.

 _“I heard you fell.”_ A voice said on the other line. I had no idea who it was. It was guy’s voice and he sounded highly irritated and impatient. Almost as if he resented having to call at all.

“I think you have the wrong number.” I said lowly, hoping Gregory wasn’t near the door, trying to listen in on my conversation. When this person hung up, I was going to continue a fake conversation. Maybe I could by myself some time before Gregory caught on.

 _“No, dad. It’s me. Tony.”_ The voice said. He sounded different on the phone. Then again, I couldn’t quite remember how his voice sounded. It was mixed and matched in my mind, between his visit and a few memories of Tony from when he was an infant to the age he is now. Which I’m assuming is sixteen. Though I honestly didn’t remember.

“Oh Tony, it’s good to hear from you.” I said, slightly downhearted. I knew by his terse and brash tone that this wouldn’t be a long conversation. He probably was only calling because his mother got on him and he didn’t want to physically come. Or he was too busy.

“Yeah, I fell during my walking lesson the day before yesterday.” I said. “Who told you I fell?” I asked, figuring it had to be Sarah. Since she already knew Tony.

 _“Don’t worry about it.”_ Was Tony’s curt and snapped answer. And even over the phone, I could hear the domination behind his voice. Well excuse me.

“Sorry.” I mumbled, wondering where the hell Tony got his attitude from…then again, I actually knew the answer to that question. I could be rather cheeky myself. Whether I’m vocal about it or not. Perhaps the old me was a lot more attitudinal. Or maybe Tony just really didn’t like me. The other line went quiet. After a moment, I almost hung up because I figure Tony hung up on me. But just before I did, I heard Tony say something.

“What?” I said, placing the phone back on my ear. Then idly realized this phone was a handheld. Weren’t those extinct? They had something else now. I couldn’t quite remember what it was.

 _“I thought the purpose of someone being there was to make sure you_ didn’t _fall.”_ Tony said. And there was that little concern that did nothing but reassure me that Tony didn’t exactly _hate_ me. Just near it.

“There is but the nurse has a lot to do. He can’t catch everything.” I said. Feeling sick at having to _protect_ Gregory. That was the last thing that I wanted to do. Yet I always ended up doing exactly that when I had a chance to rat him out. I guess it really did boil down to fear. Fear that absolutely nothing will be done about it. That he wouldn’t be stopped.

And I had no idea where I got that fear.

Tony went silent again for a moment, then said, _“Sarah never let you fall.”_ I didn’t really know what to say to that. Tony was…confusing. When he initially called, he seemed like he couldn’t wait to get off the phone and now he seemed to be caught up on this falling thing. And I didn’t get it. Did it really matter?

“The nurse didn’t let me fall Tony. I fell on my own.” I said. Then wanted to bang my head in the wall but only sighed and buried my face in my hand. There I was protecting Gregory again. It was like it was uncontrollable. If I had just let Tony think Gregory did something wrong (which he had. Something very, horribly wrong), he might have gotten rid of him.

 _“Well, are they treating you alright? I don’t pay them to mistreat you.”_ Tony said. Somewhere between impatient again, sarcastic, and genuinely concerned.

And now would have been a great time to perhaps run the sexual abuse by Tony.

But…I just didn’t think he would believe me. I hated to think that about Tony, my own flesh and blood son. But I just didn’t think he would really…care.

“I’m fine.” I said. Hoping Tony wouldn’t notice I didn’t actually answer his question. He didn’t.

 _“Alright. Well, I’m busy so I need to go. I don’t know when I’ll be able to drop by. I have a lot to do so I’ll probably call you next week.”_ Tony said. I sighed. Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell Tony what was going on. He really didn’t seem like he cared that much. The old me must have done something to really hurt him and piss him off. Tony didn’t want to be bothered and as long as I was in this hospital room, there was nothing I could do about that.

And there was no need for Tony to waste his time doing something he didn’t want to do. It would just make him resent me even more.

“Tony, you don’t have to bother with me, you don’t have to. Just visit or call when you can, and I’ll tell your mother you’re staying in contact.” I tried to say and understandingly as I could. But when a thick silence followed, I was afraid I had pissed him off even more.

 _“I never said I didn’t_ want _to be bothered dad. I’m just been busy. I have a business to run and everything. I’ve been avenging and going on missions and everything. I just have a lot to do. That’s all.”_ Tony ranted, sounding like someone trying to keep up a front but felt very guilty underneath the surface. I didn’t understand half of what he said. He had a business? So he had to be older than sixteen. And I didn’t even bother with the avenging and missions stuff. I was figuring Tony was a CIA or FBI or something. Which would explain my spy/nurse. Which was actually a comforting thought. Sharon really wasn’t a real nurse. Had she been, she would have definitely have killed someone one day.

“Oh okay, well just come when you can.” I said, not completely believing Tony. Was he busy? Sure, I believed that. But was he so busy that he couldn’t by a few second to at least drop a two minute to his amnesic father withering away (or so it felt) in the hospital? No, I didn’t believe that. People made time for the thing they found important. I just wasn’t high on Tony’s priority list. And I took responsibility for that. All I wanted was a chance to fix it, to fix whatever I had done to hurt him.

When Tony hung up, I glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was eight-thirty. The doctor was supposed to be coming by at ten-thirty. That left two hours. I was terrified at what Gregory would dream up to do with me in two hours.

-

I woke up feeling as if there was something wrong with me. Or really, not wrong as much as different. There was something different going one with my body and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. And it didn’t really make me afraid or anything. But I was glad I got my sense of taste back. Because I was starting to eat everything in sight.

Today was Gregory’s last day as my day nurse. Which made me excited and depressed at the same time. Because that just meant he was going right back to being my night nurse. And I was afraid he would end up doing the same thing all over again. And he could do it leisurely. He could take his time. Nighttime was very quiet in my room. No one was coming in or out except the nurse. Gregory could (and likely would) lock the door and do with me whatever he wanted.

Maybe that’s what I had been feeling lately. A need to escape.

I opened my eyes to find my room empty. Gregory didn’t have his hands on me. He wasn’t snaking around my room. I was there alone. I didn’t expect it to last long but I decided to enjoy these few moments of peace. I pushed the button on the side of my bed that raised my bed higher and took the pillow from behind my head and held it over my stomach. I was a lot less comfortable that way but I didn’t seem to want to move the pillow from where it was. I was tired. So very tired. Near exhausted. Last night was the first night since Gregory came that I had slept. And the little I did sleep, was peaceful. I tossed and turned the entire night. To the point, my incompetent nurse got concerned and woke me up to see if she could figure out what was wrong with me (with the assistance of a real nurse, of course).

I laid my head back, closing my eyes. Feeling inexplicably peaceful. Gregory would probably be walking in here any minute now and will start the torture. And by now, I wouldn’t do much to stop him. Fighting against him caused more pain to me than it did him and I couldn’t afford to keep reinjuring the cuts and wounds that had been restitched for the fourth time yesterday.

Then the door opened. And I could feel my heart start to race. I just kept my eyes shut as I heard someone walk in. But it was the scent that made me cautiously open my eyes. It read safe and feminine. And when I looked up, there she was. Sarah smiled down at me but there was a thick concern in her eyes.

“Darling, hey. I thought you were asleep. I didn’t want to wake you.” She said as she brought my breakfast as placed it on a table, sitting beside me. She kissed gently kissed my cheek, giving me a gently hug. I thought I would melt in her embrace.

And now, since she was so close, I could smell that she was in safe-mode.

I wondered why.

“I’m happy to see you.” I said simply, yet honestly. When inside I was jumping for fucking joy. I was absolutely ecstatic that she came back early for me.

“I’m happy to see you too, darling. How are you feeling? Have Gregory and Sharon been taking good care of you?” She asked, but there was something in here voice that seemed as though her mind was already made up about something.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, trying to see how I could say that convincingly. “Especially Sharon. She’s been really great. She’s sort of…unorthodox, but she’s really great.” I said honestly. Sarah smiled but I could tell that, if anything, my words made her even more concerned.

“Good, I’m so glad. Because when I was ready through your reports, I noticed that you kept getting injured.” Sarah said. And I tensed. For some reason, I feared the worst. “Doctor Banner had to keep bandaging your old cuts. And he noticed that your morale seemed to have changed.” Sarah said. I sort of got caught up at the doctors’ name. I had actually forgotten it and was too shy to ask. “He got so concerned that he called me and after he told me what was going on, I got so concerned that I came back early. I wanted to know if he had harmed you in some way.” Sarah said.

And here was my chance. I could come clean and let someone know. Tell someone what had been going on. But all I could force myself to say was,

“I’ve been fine.” It was one of those half-lies I was so against. But I had to admit, they were fucking convenient. Sarah sighed, taking my hand and holding it gently in hers, rubbing her thumb in my palm. It seemed absentminded but it had to be an alpha trick or pheromone thing. Because I immediately relaxed. And I could read from her was that she was safe and genuine and protective. But there was something in the way her brow creased, yet she seemed to have a sudden understanding of something that caught my attention. And I had the distinct feeling that it had nothing to do with situation at hand. Though she seemed to come right back to the present.

“Alright, but we didn’t like it, Banner and I, so we decided to take him off your nurse roster and make Sharon your permanent night nurse. So he’s not a threat anymore. You can trust me Howard. You’ve become like a son to me and if Greg harmed you in some way, you can tell me and I’ll believe you. You will never see him again.” She promised. My breath got caught in my throat. She hit my concern on the head, my hold up. I just wanted someone to believe me. I had a feeling the fear of not being believed had something to do with my forgotten past. If only I could remember what happened, I could address it and be done with this foolish fear.

“Are you sure you’ll believe me?” I asked, feeling every bit of a child but I was afraid. I just had this thought that she wouldn’t believe. That she would jump up and yell at me, telling me I was horrible human being for telling such a viscous lie, and storm out the room. And then I realized that it wasn’t a thought. It was a memory. And I figured that out, I realized that it wasn’t a woman yelling abuse at me before they thundered out whatever room, but a man. An alphamale…So I had been abused before…and I have been abandoned before. That’s what made me terrified. Maybe that’s what made me not trust Tony. Even though, he wasn’t the guy in my memory. Maybe I was just scared. Maybe I couldn’t force myself to trust any alpha, even my son. And maybe I raised him with that distrust and kept myself distant and harsh.

And now that I have a clue as to what went wrong, I could change it.

And trusting Sarah would be a step in the right direction.

“Yes, no matter what you tell me, I will believe you.” Sarah assured me with all the honesty in the world, rubbing my cheek. I took a deep breath, grounding myself before I spoke. It took more effort for me to admit what happened that I thought it would.

“Um…last week, a day after you left, I went into heat.” I started, realizing my hands where clenching the sheets when she tenderly held them again, rubbing her thumb in my palm. Which caused me to immediately relax and trust her. It had to be an alpha thing.

“And Gregory, he…he started, um…raping me.” I admitted, so quietly I almost didn’t hear my own voice. I hoped that the police wouldn’t be involved. Or that I would be forced to talk about what had happened. I just wanted him out my life.

Anger immediately filled Sarah’s eyes. And for one horrifying second, I thought it was directed towards me. But she kissed my cheek and gingerly hugged me again, apologizing, promising me that she would never allow something like that to happen again. She tucked me in bed, taking the pillow from across my stomach and put it back behind my head. She kissed my cheek again and told me that I had nothing to worry about. And to just take a rest. That we’d take a break for today and start on our routine tomorrow. Then she briskly left the room, in full safe-mode. When she was gone, I tried to sleep but I couldn’t relax until I took the pillow and placed it across my stomach again. Even though I wasn’t afraid.

For the first time since I came to, I felt completely safe.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you enjoy this chapter. And I apologize for taking so, so long.
> 
> :)

Three Months Later

“Mom, you’re doing that thing again. You know, when you’re really nice to someone who deserves to be thrown in a ditch.” I heard someone speaking to Sarah, right outside my door. And I heard Sarah sigh heavily. “He’s a dangerous and cruel man. Don’t get too close.”

“He is not dangerous or cruel. I think he’s been misjudged.” Sarah said, very sincerely. “I’ve been around him more than you, or even Tony, have been. I know what I see. And I see a genuinely good man.”

Was she defending me? I had just woken up. I was sleeping a lot more than I usually did during the past two weeks. For some reason, I had been feeling exhausted. That probably had something to do with whatever tragedy that landed me in this hospital bed but I had been improving. And I still was. I could walk a little (more like totter) with the aid of a walker and a lot of help from a nurse.

“Right now he is. But what happens when he remembers and goes right back to being an asshole.” The person speaking with Sarah was a guy. An alpha from the sound of his voice.

“Steve, I know what I am doing. And isn’t it my job to be protective over you rather than you being protective over me.” Sarah said, her voice sounded chiding. Like a parent to a child. So this Steve must have been her son. Sarah never told me about her family. I didn’t know she had a son. And by her words, he must not have been an alpha as I originally thought. Maybe a beta. Because there weren’t many male omegas. Only a handful of us in the US. If I was remembering correctly (and I wasn’t).

“Did Tony put you up to this?” Sarah asked suddenly, accusingly. So this guy, this Steve, must have known Tony. Maybe he was a part of this mysterious group Tony was in. I hadn’t the chance to ask him. Tony hadn’t called or been over since our last conversation. I liked to think had he known about Gregory, he would have made a trip but I didn’t chance it, didn’t tell him. And I swore the doctor, Sarah, and Sharon to secrecy. It wasn’t hard. Due to a convenient confidentiality policy, they couldn’t divulge my personal information unless I gave them permission to. And I didn’t. Sarah and Banner had been pretty upset about that. They thought my son should know. Sharon had been pretty indifferent, confirming my theory that she hadn’t known Tony. But I was too afraid to tell my son what happened. I thought Tony might have been angry with me rather than sympathetic. I had no idea why I thought that, but I did.

I heard Steve sigh. “Not really, it’s just that we were talking and he thought you would listen to me better than him.” He said shyly, guiltily

“Well I deeply appreciate the concern but I don’t think he is a bad person in the least.” Sarah said.

Steve took a deep breath, “Mama, just be careful then. Keep a watchful mind.”

“Alright.” Sarah said easily.

They said a few more things that didn’t pertain to me and then Steve left. I heard Sarah sigh outside my door then walked in. I feigned sleep. I didn’t want her to know I had heard their conversation. But she walked in and over to my bed, then chuckle slightly, quietly. I heard footsteps, and some cabinets open and close. And I felt her gently raise my head and tuck a pillow behind me. I had taken my first pillow and placed it over my stomach again, as I had been doing constantly during the past several weeks. She kissed my cheek and started attending to some other nursing duties.

-

I was actually drifting to sleep a while later when I heard a soft static-like voice crackle through room.

It said, _“Sarah, we might have a code-red heading to your floor.”_ That startled me to alertness. Though I still feigned sleep. But I peeked my eyes open. Sarah had moved to the other side of the room and was pressing something in her ear, talking silent to seemingly no one. But then she took something out her pocket and eased to the door, peeking out it. She spoke to someone silently again and then suddenly relaxed, closing the door and locking it. She whispered,

“Thanks for taking care of that for Banner. I didn’t want to scare him.” She said. And I gathered that by ‘him’ she meant me.

And I also gathered that not only was Sharon a spy. But…Sarah and Doctor Banner too.

And that just confused me.

What had I been into that I required the protection of undercover nurses and doctors? And how come Sarah and Doctor Banner were so efficient at their job but Sharon was a bubbling atrocity (a sweet girl but a bad nurse)? And if Sarah was a spy, then why was her son concerned about her? Had I been a spy too? If so, had I been dangerous?

So in general, I guess my main question was: what the fuck was going on?

-

“Hayward?” I guessed. Sharon shook her head.

“Nope.” She said, sitting beside my bed and working through a crossword puzzle.

I sighed, trying to make my brain remember. It shouldn’t have been so difficult! “Howell?” Sharon shook her head again. “Harris?” Head shake. “Harry?” Head shake. “Herbert?” Head shake. Well goddamn, how many names could there be that started with an H?

I sighed again, and tried a different tactic. I tried to remember memories of anyone calling my name.  
And I came up with one. But it wasn’t a pleasant one. A tall, bald man was standing, towering, above me, glowering down at me. His voice was grim, as he growled,

“This isn’t the last time you’ll hear from me Howard. I going to fuck you over just like you screwed me.”

I was frozen. I had no idea who the guy in my memory was but I was suddenly overcome with an intense fear. I wanted to run and hide in a basement. Maybe I was afraid of losing something. Possibly my life. The threat the guy made seemed like he would try to kill me…But maybe I…did I deserve whatever revenge he wanted to take out on me. He said that I had screwed him. Had I done something harmful to this man? Had I even, maybe, ruined his life? It sounded like I might have, based off his threatening, dominating voice and the anger in his gray, emotionless eyes.

And suddenly I was depressed.

I must have been a soulless monster in my past. The old me must have had no conscious. Everyone seems to have hated me. And worst of all, I had no idea what I had done. If someone would just tell me, I could make amends. Maybe I could fix it. Maybe I could repair some of the damage I had caused.

“You give up?” Sharon said suddenly from beside me. She had been completely unaware that I had been seconds from a damn panic attack.

“Howard?” I guessed. She smiled wide, leaning over to hug me warmly. At least Sharon was a fan of me. She must not have known the past me.

“That’s it. I am so proud of you.” Sharon said excitedly. “Sarah’s going to be proud of you too.”

I had, somehow, forgotten about Sarah. The person who defended me earlier that day. Against her own son. She saw something different in me, something other than what anyone else saw. Why? How? Maybe she was just really naïve. But at least she had given me a chance. Hopefully I wouldn’t let her down. She might even be able to help me change from my old self. Or rather, help me remain my new self.

-

A week later and I was a mess. I was thinking I had a cold. Or maybe the flu. I kept getting sick. Everything I ate kept coming back up. I didn’t really tell anyone. I could totter (supposedly) the sort distance between my bed and the bathroom on my own, to hurl over the toilet. Sarah had seen me get sick a couple of times but I told her it was just something I ate. Which just made her dubious, since hospital food didn’t really have that effect on most patients. She thought that maybe I had an allergy and started running some tests on me.

Oh how I hated tests. That meant I had move from my bed and actually _go_ to the testing location. When all I wanted to do was stay in bed forever.

-

I had just been to the bathroom for what felt like the hundredth time that day (which couldn’t have been true because my body was barely strong enough to make it twice). I swear, I did not have to piss this much just a matter of weeks ago. But I didn’t think I should bother Sarah or Doctor Banner about it. They were spies after all. Confidentiality or not. They might spill some news to Tony or whoever they worked for…though, how much I pissed hardly seemed like valuable information to anyone. But one could never be too careful.

When I tottered out the bathroom, I plopped on the bed. And slowly shimmied on my side, as painlessly as possible. Wishing I could just stay there for the rest of my life. I had a strength training session in under ten minutes but I didn’t care. I placed my extra pillow over my stomach and fell asleep, hoping to God, no one would wake me. It wasn’t like I felt myself getting any strong from these silly sessions anyway.

I don’t know how long I was asleep, but I groaned when I woke up to someone gently shaking me. But I knew if Sarah saw I wasn’t feeling well, she would cancel my sessions for the day. So I just turned around and tried to go back to sleep, but whoever it was walked to the other side of the bed and started gently shaking me again.

“Dad?” I heard Tony’s concerned voice rang out. I moaned a little. I felt like utter shit. The shittiest I had felt in weeks (if one knew how fucking shitty I’ve been feeling, they would understand). But I managed, with great strain, to open my eyes. I startled at Tony’s face. His shocked and worried face. I looked down at myself to make sure my intestines hadn’t fall out, or anything, then looked back up at Tony.

Sarah or Doctor Banner hadn’t told Tony what happened, had they?

“Tony, what’s wrong?” I said. Hoping to God he was alright. And his mother. I couldn’t think of any other reason why Tony would be here. Or maybe I was just dreaming.

“Your scent. It’s different.” Tony said. I just looked back up at him in confusion. So what if my scent was different. After a moment a silence, Tony said, “Oh, umm…some alphas can read pheromones. Omega pheromones that is. Because I was born from an omega.” Tony explained. I had actually known that. I sighed and turned on my back, closing my eyes. I was awake. I was just also extremely tired.

“Okay, what are my pheromones tell you?” I asked. Figuring he’s say something like, ‘you got the flu’. Or ‘you’re dying’. But nothing could have prepared me for his true words.

“You’re pregnant.” Tony said. My eyes flew open. I stared up at Tony in stupefaction and utter shock.

“What?” I said.

“You smell pregnant. I don’t know if it’s true or not. I asked Sarah to do a pregnancy test for me. The results haven’t come back yet.” Tony said, and from the way he kept glancing back at he door, it had been a moment.

Well shit. That explained a hell of a lot.

“Oh.” I said, my voice shaky with shock. Trying to figure out what the hell I was going to tell Tony. I couldn’t very well keep quiet about the abuse anymore. I wondered could I lie about the conception. Maybe I had been pregnant before the tragedy and the baby had been stasis until now…no that didn’t really make any sense.

“Dad…what happened?" Tony asked, his brow furrowed in worry and confusion. But before I could speak (as if i had anything to say), Sarah walked looking heavyhearted. She sat beside me on the bed and gently hugged me.

“It came back positive.” Sarah said quietly. Tony reeled back a little, seemingly washed over with shock and…guilt? But I didn’t know why. It wasn’t his fault I had gotten knocked up.

I had the idle thought, that had he just called, he would have never known. But I supposed, there was only so long I could have kept the pregnancy a secret. Of course, I hadn’t even known I was stuffed. Looking back, it seemed obvious but I had no recollection of being pregnant before. Of course I missed the signs.

“How?” Tony asked. "How the hell did this happen and when?"

Sarah and I got very quiet. I was waiting to see if she would say anything and she was probably doing the same for me.

“How!” Tony repeated, and this time it was very clear that he wanted an answer.

“Immaculate conception?” I guessed. But by that looked that covered Tony’s face, he didn’t find that very humorous.

“That’s not funny dad.” Tony said sternly. Dominatingly. “What happened?”

I sighed. Looking at Sarah who just looked back at me.

“You know very well I can’t speak for you.” Sarah said. And for the first time since I came to, I was angry with her. Though, really, this was my own fault. Had I not forced her to stay quiet under the confidentiality policy, this would already be done. Tony looked down at me expectantly.

I tried to think of some lie. “Um…well…I’m guessing that I had been pregnant before the tragedy and the baby had been stasis until—” Sarah cut me off with a sharp sigh.

“About a month ago, a nurse, here, was caught abusing him.” Sarah said. That just made me madder. I really could have made that stasis story work. I sighed and clench the pillow covering my stomach a little closer. The more I realized the weight of what was happening, he more horrified i became. Was I strong enough to carry a baby? Successfully?

“You were raped?” Tony said, sounding so guilty and hurt. “Someone hurt you and you didn’t even tell me.”

…That might have been why Sarah and my doctor told me to tell Tony what happened. In case Tony did indeed find out and would be hurt later.

And hurting Tony is something I never meant to do again.

“I just…you seemed so…” I trailed off. I was going to say ‘you seemed so uninterested that I didn’t want to bother you’ but I didn’t want Tony to feel bad.

“I didn’t want to bother you.” I said. That didn’t take that hurt look off Tony’s face though.

“I think he was just afraid.” Sarah supplied cautiously, rubbing my cheek gently. “You know how omegas can be. What do you think Steve would do if he were in this situation?” Sarah asked. And I had the distinct impression that Steve and Tony were together. So this Steve must be an omega. I wondered why Tony hadn’t mentioned anything about a significant other.

Tony sighed, then turned a glare to Sarah. “Why didn’t you tell me? I see you practically every fucking day. And Bruce! He never even hinted!” Tony said, his voice suddenly very angry. And betrayed. And hurt. I didn’t want him to be angry with Sarah so I was going to fess up but she spoke before I could.

“Banner and I are tied. We under a confidentiality policy under the hospital.” Sarah said easily. A half truth. I was growing fonder of those damned things. Tony glared at her but not forcefully. There was even something a little guilty in his eyes. “But let’s discuss this elsewhere, you’re father needs to rest.” Tony sighed, looking down at me, with something I couldn’t put my finger on in his eyes. He was quiet for a moment, before he touched the pillow resting on my stomach.

“Can I?” Tony asked. I nodded, though I wasn’t fully sure what I was agreeing to. He moved the pillow and raised my shirt. “You’re actually showing.” Tony said, placing his hand on the small swell of my stomach. I had noticed it, of course. I never thought it was the sign of a tiny being growing inside me. And there was that fear again. My body was barely managing survival for myself, how the hell could I support someone else?

“I’m sorry this happened.” Tony said, his voice very quiet.

“It’s not your fault.” I said. Not like Tony made Gregory do what he did. Tony smiled a little, sadly. And placed the pillow back over my stomach. I was glad he did. I don’t know why I was obsessed with the notion; it wasn’t like a pillow was going to keep harm away from my baby. But it was a nice, comforting thought.

Tony’s watch started beeping and when he looked down at it, a seriousness covered his face. “We’ll have to talk about it later Sarah. This is Avenger’s business.”

And something in the air changed. There was a certain alertness. Sarah kissed my cheek and pulled the blanket over my shoulder.

“I’ll be back in a bit. You try to get some sleep, okay?” She said. I nodded but I noticed something in Tony. Or maybe it was his scent. But there was something in the way he looked at our interaction, in the way his body language suddenly become awkward that made me thing he was suddenly…jealous? I guess we weren’t affectionate towards each other before the tragedy. Matter of fact, it was pretty fucking obvious. At first I had thought Tony would want to keep it that way, since he stayed distant, but now I was wondering if maybe he wanted us to be closer. And just didn’t know how to go about it.

But before I could even address it, Tony was heading towards the door. And Sarah was following him.

“I’ll come back soon.” Tony said before he disappeared through the door. I couldn’t help but wonder how _soon_ soon was.

But as I lay there, replaying what just happened though my mind, I realized something. If Sarah, Doctor Banner, and Sharon were all spy, as I predicted…And Tony hired them all, personally…and the air changed when he got an ‘Avenger’s call’… Well damn, my son was probably a spy. So, was I simply caught in the crossfire or was I a spy too? I was leaning toward the former, because from what I had experienced of myself since I came too, I did not possess espionage capabilities. Of course, amnesia could have been the cause of that.

But the thoughts of spies became background noise as I thought about this tiny, for now, gift Gregory has left me. I put my hand over the bump in my stomach. And I felt terrified and at peace, all at once.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed it. :D
> 
> Please leave feedback and feel free to criticize; I am always looking for opportunities to grow.
> 
> I’ve launched an E-Zine where people submit their favorite fics and the best ones get published in the zine. I’m doing this because I want to create something that acknowledges fanfic writers and makes them feel confident about themselves while bringing people of different fandoms together. [To learn more click here.](http://jeniouis.com/jfw-zine.html).


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